This Day Mattered to Me

Today hurt.

I want to keep this day as it was. I don't want the pain edited out because a future version of me may find it uncomfortable to remember.

There was a fight with Pinky. I have not yet explained everything that caused it, and I will not invent an explanation simply to make this account complete.

I cried. I became angry. I prayed. I questioned God. I wanted to be okay, and I kept trying to be okay.

At the field the wind was strong. I flew Mini B and the FW200. I did not fly Speedy B. I left the Night Timber on the ground, with its damaged propeller, because I could not bear breaking one more thing today.

I drove home angry. I carried my equipment inside even when I barely wanted to move.

The RadioMaster GX12 arrived, something I had been looking forward to. It sat unopened beside me. There was no need to make myself enjoy it before I was ready.

I have made choices in my life. I have made mistakes. But I don't want to confuse taking responsibility with declaring that every painful thing was deserved.

Perhaps someday I will stand before God and tell Him: Lord, here. Look at this day. I went through this. I was living October 5, 2026, and it hurt.

I know there is hope. I want to be okay. I am trying to be okay.

I made it this far. October 5 isn't finished yet. Neither am I.