A Love Without Asking

There is someone I have not spoken much about tonight. I am not talking about Pinky.

The person who loves you most does not always say I love you every day. Sometimes, in a funny way, she calls you a dodo head.

She does not necessarily show love with affection, hugs, or kisses. Sometimes it is in what she does. In how she welcomes you when she does not have to. In how she accepts you when you cannot imagine what there is left to accept.

Sometimes I can see it in her eyes.

How I long to be with her again. That day may never come. I know my mistake is part of why we are no longer together.

Today is her birthday. I hope her day is filled with gladness, though mine has been filled with tears.

I thank God for her. The little she gave meant so much to me.

Perhaps I have given her something I have struggled to give someone else: freedom to exist without constantly proving her love.

I can appreciate her without possessing her. I can miss her without demanding her return. I can wish her happiness without asking for anything in exchange.

Why is it sometimes easier to love someone freely after losing them than to love someone freely while desperately afraid of losing them?

I do not know.

But if she ever hears this, I hope she recognizes that I still love her. Not as a demand or a debt, but as truth.

Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for welcoming me. Thank you even for calling me a dodo head.

I love you. Thank you. You do not owe me anything.

Happy birthday.